Copyright 2005 Christopher Green
Stress. Depression. Anxiety. They're powerful words that conjure up all kinds of images and prejudices in our minds. People who suffer from these illnesses find it hard to cope with life. They can feel deeply unhappy, they can find no joy in anything life has to offer, and of course, their levels of self-esteem, confidence and self-respect plummet.
But how can this happen to someone?
Let's concentrate on how these illnesses affect the way we value the self. Of all of the destructive patterns of behavior these illnesses cause, the way a sufferer talks to the self is the fuel that maintains their illness.
I have experienced depression from two sides. For 5 years, a series of traumatic events triggered a personal nightmare I believed would never end. One of these events came when my lover was diagnosed with depression. At this time, I too had entered into the spiral of anxiety-induced depression. Both of these experiences have given me an insight into how sufferers destroy any value of the self.
Let me give a couple of examples. With my partner, if I'd arranged an evening out with friends, she'd say:
"No, I won't come, you go without me. I never have anything interesting to say. I just bore people. They'll find me an effort to be with. I'll stay here."
If I made a mistake, I'd say to myself:
"I'm useless. I'm no good at anything. Everything I do I get wrong."
This self-deprecation then spreads into other areas of life. You begin to criticize the way you look, the decisions you make or don't make, and you focus solely on the downside of life. Each time a little bit of self-worth, a little bit of self-respect and a little bit of self-confidence are eroded. Eventually, they are lost completely. When I reached my lowest point, having lost everything and everyone I loved, I'd say to myself:
"If I died tomorrow, no one would know and no one would care."
So, what helped me to come out of the fog?
Well, the reason I thought I'd become depressed was because of a series of traumatic events occurring at the same time. I was wrong. The root cause of my depression lay in the ways I reacted to them. One of the ways I'd reacted was to blame myself for events I couldn't control. The more I blamed myself, the more I beat myself up. The more I beat myself up, the more my self-esteem decreased.
The phrases I have used to briefly illustrate self-deprecating phrases we continually use against the self are mild. I'm sure you realize that many people use much stronger phrases than I've given here. The point is that these phrases would be totally unacceptable to say to others. You wouldn't tell a person that they were boring, an effort to be with and that everyone found their company dull and it would be better for everyone else if they kept away from people.
Agreed?
Yet, if I say to people:
"Pay yourself compliments. Accentuate your good in all areas of your life. Write down your good points, your triumphs, your achievements. Remind yourself as often as possible about all the good you have done."
They look at me like I'm an alien and say they'd feel stupid. Or uncomfortable. Or even embarrassed.
Yet they don't feel any of these emotions when they talk to themselves using emotionally charged, self-deprecating phrases! And like rust upon metal, these phrases gradually erode our self-esteem and our confidence.
OK, here's the bottom-line. I'd like you to inscribe what you are about to read into your mind over and over again until it is permanently etched there:
It is NEVER acceptable to talk to myself in a way I know is inappropriate and even offensive if I spoke in the same way to others.
Time for me to sign off, but before I do, here's a phrase I say to myself every single day without fail. Please use it, it is very powerful:
"If you put yourself down, down is where you will stay."

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Chris Green is the author of the new book "Conquering Stress", a special program which will show you how to conquer stressful illnesses such as depression, anxiety, panic and worry permanently and without taking powerful drugs. For more information, pleaase click here => http://www.conqueringstress.com


Our Dreams Are Our DNA
Are we paying attention to the right stuff?
Take biology for instance. I never took a biology course in my life. I really have no idea how my body works, and yet I remain in good health. But when I visit the doctor, it's the same as visiting an auto mechanic or a computer technician. They ask a few questions, and then tell me it sounds like a problem with the gobbly-gook. I nod my head, as if I know what they're talking about, and then leave more confused than ever.
So, you could imagine my horror when my son comes up to me and says, "Daddy, what's DNA?" I had no clue. The only people that really care about it are the lawyers, the researchers and the people on CSI. I figured it had to stand for something, and I knew two things about it from watching television: it's all over our body, and it's unique for every body.
So, I gave him my "Daddy knows best" look and said, "Eric, it's an abbreviation. It stands for…Dreams Needing Attention." His face lit up and he went to the phone to tell all his friends about his new found knowledge. Then my wife came up, and said, "Hold on Eric. I decided to Ask Jeeves, and he said DNA stands for Deoxyribo Nucleic Acid." Silly Jeeves. So, I told my son that was the Latin equivalent for Dreams Needing Attention.
But if you think about it, my answer made perfect sense. Our dreams are our DNA. DNA is all over our body, and it makes us unique. So do our dreams!
My feet have dreams to run with Olympic speed. My hands have dreams to write another best-seller…or two. My eyes have dreams of seeing a summer without any road construction! And our hearts have dreams. Why else would the Internet become the world's largest dating service?
Sure, some of us share similar dreams. Other people also want to write a few best-sellers. But, when we look at the big set of our career dreams, our relationship dreams, our fun dreams and our other dreams, we are each unique in that large set of dreams.
So, DNA is all over our body, and it makes us unique. The thing is that when we're young, we have huge dreams. We want to cook like Martha Stewart, even if we don't know how to turn on the oven. The gap between our reality and our dreams is huge. As we grow older, we should be closing the gap to make these huge dreams come true. But instead, we pay attention to the dreams that are much closer to reality.
Our big dreams haven't gone away, we're just not paying attention to them. They're still in our feet, our hands, our eyes and our hearts.
Adults don't seem to think dreams come true, but they do. Dreams come true everyday. When you get up in the morning, you dream about getting to work on time. (For some this is a bigger dream than for others) At the beginning of the year, your sales manager will present a sales dream for the year. (sure, he might call it a target, or a goal, or an objective) Then the sales team works to make that sales dream a reality.
On a smaller scale, each day, you go about spending your time and money trying to make your dreams come true. The dreams you focus on will create your reality. If you're focusing on sales of one mil.lion per year, you'll probably get different results than if you're focusing on sales of ten mil.lion per year.
To change your reality, change the dreams that you're paying attention to.
If you pay attention to the dream of making it through the day, then that will be your reality. If you pay attention to the dream of becoming the person your DNA wants you to be, then your reality will go in a whole new direction.
We're not put on this planet to settle. We're put here to shine.
Your reality in the upcoming weeks, months and years will depend on the dreams you pay attention to today. Ask yourself what reality you want for yourself, then pay attention to the dreams that will get you there!
James Allan is an inspiring writer who wants you to go after your big dreams. His first book, Street Hockey Millionaire has received international acclaim, and his Rich Start System home study course is helping people enjoy their dreams of having more money, more time and more fun in their life. For more information, visit www.streethockeymillionaire.com.


To Procrastinate or not that is the Question
Procrastinating can be fun, sometimes! It can also be a great source of frustration and anxiety when we keep putting off what we could be doing today.
I manage to fit unscheduled shopping sprees into my already busy timetable, visit people I haven't seen for awhile or give them a 'quick' phone call. Sometimes I'll even clean out the refrigerator, wardrobe, and any closet or room in the house - well they need cleaning and sorting sooner or later! If I had a dog I'd probably take it for a long walk, maybe give it a bath, clip its toenails, place ribbons in its hair – procrastinating can be fun!
The word procrastinates means to defer action, or put off (I'll add dawdle and 'hope it goes away' as well). What's interesting is the cras (adv) in procrastinator is the Latin word for tomorrow. To me this snippet of information means procrastinators have been around for a really, really, really long time! Wonder what strategies they applied back then.
When I drag my feet, and keep putting something off, at the back of my mind is a flicker of hope that someone else will step in and do for me what I'd rather not (like my accounting paperwork!).
There are many, many reasons someone procrastinates and also varying levels. What lies beneath could be a fear of failure or fear of success, have no idea how to start or finish a project, in a state of overwhelm, depression, seems pointless, not motivated, or maybe just maybe laziness.
What happens when you know there's something you really should be doing instead of cleaning out the refrigerator again? Maybe an assignment's due, bills are overdue, and filing needs to be done urgently because you can't see your desk anymore. My guess is your frustration and stressometer starts rising rapidly.
Now would be a pretty good time to sit down and ask yourself some serious questions such as the ones below:
1. How can I better organise myself to get things done?
2. What's in it for me? What are the pros and cons of procrastination?
3. What will I lose if I complete what I need to? Could be stress levels!
4. What will I gain if I complete what I need to? This could be in the form of free time, peacefulness; banish forever what you have to complete. Maybe your gain will be a special purchase – much like presenting yourself with a prize!
5. How important is this really to me? For example how important is paying your electricity bill? If you do not pay your electricity bill your power will be cut off. On the other hand you might have 3 things that need to be done first as a matter of priority.
6. Is the reason I drag my feet due to a 'who cares' attitude? Can I delegate this project (there's that glimmer of hope again) to someone else?
7. Do you actually know what you need to do? Seriously, maybe the process is unclear on how to start or finish whatever it is that needs to be done.
When you've done that, break down what needs to be done to the smallest denominator and work your way up from there. Sometimes we think about ALL the things that need to be done which in turn overwhelms us. Start really, really small and work your way up by taking baby steps. Be in the present moment totally.
A life long habit that's ready for change takes commitment, action, as well as time and effort.
By initially answering a few simple questions much like the ones above will help start that ball rolling towards greater clarity about what gets done and what doesn't, and is this okay. Maybe the outcome is to work on procrastination at a much deeper level and pursue some professional help.
See http://www.michaelascherr.com/publications.htm to download the Procrastination Action Plan.
Michaela Scherr Transformational Coach